An Unconventional Teacher

Morning … Happy 2.5 yrs old, my boy-boy Er. Like he knew, he woke up early together with me … and i decided to buy him a slice of cake later. Hehe … 11 01 06 is his birthdate. Every parents(almost every, i mean) could remember their child/children birthday … i was there in the room, witnessing the delivery, hearing his first cry. He was covered with blood, whitish ‘liquid’(sorry, dont know what terms they called it, the doc told me but i hv short memory) … a ’string’ that attached his tummy was cut. I buried the ‘bag’ at the back of house(Mag’s mom wish, i dont see that as of any significance). Yup … the joy of fathering … not forgetting the ‘pain’? It is not pain, for goodness sake … it is we called responsibilities. I m still learning about it …

Er was wearing a ’sweater’ hand-made by my sis, Feleene. Yes, she is very good with her hand-works.

I have to go through the phrases again SOON … anytime now, this time for Er’s little sister, Charlene. Hehe …

My Family

I dreamt of having a bowl of mee-soup with my sis, Feleene at her home. We were laughing and enjoying our mee till my mom came back from Hong Kong? They were in good terms, and in fact she asked mom how was the trip?? *poof*. I was awaken, shocked. Hmmm … surely that is too good to be true. It was just a dream … in reality, both no longer see each other(mom still cursing blah blah). We brothers are in the middle, neutral. Not as 50-50 … me and my bro Gary are more of on Feleene’s side(due to emotional entanglements) and youngest bro is closer to mom. Sad to say, i m NOT close to my mom … tho she is here, i hardly have anything to say with her. I quash-off any negative words from her and she dislikes that … Guess that is life. We cant have what we wish for and no amount of money could bring the pieces into one. Hmm …

Yeah … i know that i will want to go home to KL, one day … i wish to let my children being with sis/bro … we may not be close, but we do care and we dont pretend on such. Over here in KK, too many pretentious people and we have the stress to ACT well. Truth is something not appreciated(and might be even mis-interpret).

Hmm … getting slightly carried away with my emotions. Perhaps, i really wish to go back to KL and have a nice mee-soup with my sis? Yeah, just SMS her …

Bowling

First of all, Fred didnt play but Guslin ‘gamble’ with the novice Wan(as he got 26 hcps, but Fred = Me with only 10 hcps).

1st game : Wan 137, CP 186 and Guslin 208 vs Paul Thien 194, KS Lai 164 and Taufik 205. We lost 0 - 1.

2nd game : Wan 194, CP 182 and Guslin 196 vs Paul 205, KS Lai 221 and Taufik 198. We lost again 0 -1.

3rd game : Wan 161, CP 224 and Guslin 176 vs Paul 164, KS Lai 158 and Taufik 171. We won and won the total too.

I played my best at the given situation last night … i tried.

So, we are tied 2 -2. With only one week to go, we hv a VERY slim chance of over-taking them. They will hv a walkover next week(4-0) but we need to face Jeff’s team(positioned no3). Unless we play extremely well(with averages 200+) and beat them 4-0, we will hv to be satisfied with no 2. Not bad being a bridemaid, anyway. Hmm …

Lee Jun Jie?? <— can anyone of you who listen to chinese songs help me with the title of this song?

3pm : Badawi announced he will gracefully step down in 2010. KLSE went up with the ‘good news’. But, till that sodomy case being solved(will it ever?), many foreign inverstors will still be very cautious.

I like the way a person put in his blog : Dia tu orang suka main belakang, biar kan la. Itu antara dua orang saje, apasal libatkan maruah negara pulak? LOL … i found it funny. I lost my sense of humour, so this is nice …

TEH

morning … i m on the trip to KL tonight, immediately after my class at INTI from 4-6pm. Then, I will stay for a night at mom’s place … briefing her about her one-month plus trip to KK. Early in the morning, i need to travel to Sheraton, Subang Jaya … a place where i m familiar as i used to play bowling at Subang Villa nearby. I will be attending a workshop organised by SAM.

In the evening, i will be with my family — my aunt SK will be cooking for dinner me and my sis/bro(so sweet of her, as always). Will be staying over there for a night.

On Sat morning, i will be attending Martin Wong’s seminar (by ChartNexus) at THE STAR building, PJ. I hope the seminar will be done by 12 noon as written as i need to catch 2pm flight home to KK.

That is more or less my schedule for my short trip to KL this time … very rush and i could not really feel(numbed) … but i think i will enjoy Friday night seeing my two aunties and my bro/sis.

1pm

I told Mag just now that i hv too many things in my mind that this trip is too short and too rush, i could not relax. May be i should think of a trip to KL this NOV …

11.30pm

IN LCCT … off to mom’s place. Till tmr, night

TEH

SIGHTS AND SOUND By Xandria Ooi

THE other day, my mum called to tell me that she and my fa-ther were considering buying two placements in a memorial park as their final resting place ‘’when the time comes'’.

I know very well that there will come a time when we will leave this world, but it is not something I often think about.

It is okay to plan for birthdays, weddings and retirement, but planning for death is not the norm. Not because it is not logical or practical, but to think of death is to bring on fear.

My boyfriend asked me a few days ago if I fear death.

“No, but I fear pain. But what I fear most of all, are the deaths of my loved ones.”

Just the mere thought of not seeing my parents and brother again cripples me with fear. When my parents speak of where they would like their final resting place to be, I am afraid to listen and refuse to take it seriously.

My grandfather was taken ill recently, and when I paid him a visit I was reminded that even the strongest and healthiest of us will not stay that way forever.

My father is 53 this year. He goes to the gym a few times a week, takes care of his diet and is far from old. He is able to fix almost anything in the house and he still takes cares of me like he always does.

All these years, I have looked upon my father as someone who is infallible, strong and able to find a solution to any problems that I may have.

It scares me to think of the day when he will not be as he is now, when time and age catches up. I would rather not see the lines around his eyes, or how tired he looks at times. I don’t want to notice him limping a little sometimes because his feet hurt.

My father is not a superhero, but sometimes it is easy to forget that because of how well he takes care of the family and me. Too often, I take his love and his health for granted.

When someone loves you unconditionally, it is easy to be careless with that love, because you assume that it will always be there.

You forget to say thank you, or be polite, or even do something nice in return.

During a meeting with the managing director of a company who is interested in working with me on an endorsement project, he said something to me that no one has ever said before.

“No offence Xandria, I think your work is great but the reason you are here is because of your mum.”

“Your mum is such a good person. I think what you are today is because of your upbringing. So you have to thank your mum and dad,” he told me with a smile.

I couldn’t be happier or more proud hearing this. I have always wished that people could see that. My mum is my manager, and I have had people being nicer to me than they are to her.

Some have even been downright insensitive and rude to her, but sugary sweet to me.

I have never understood that. Being a manager of a company is not an easy task, and if the company runs smoothly, it is very much due to good management.

My career has been on a steady climb because my mum is an amazing businesswoman and manager. I have manners, respect, compassion and faith because my parents have taught me that.

I have written in a previous article that if someone should praise me, they should praise my parents 10 times over.

Many have asked me during interviews if I feel that my mum is overprotective as my manager, and my answer is that I am much more protective of her.

Even then, I cannot be a hypocrite. I cannot expect people to be nice and kind to my mum when there are many times when I have also hurt her with my impatience and attitude.

The worst part of it is that the hurt she experiences because of me is much more painful than those inflicted by others.

And the irony is that it is often easier to be nicer to acquaintances and friends, than it is to be mindful of the feelings of our loved ones.

Mother’s Day has just passed and Father’s Day is around the corner. Being able to celebrate these occasions is just a reminder of how fortunate we are to have known unconditional love.

Death is inevitable and maybe if we stop and think about death once in a while, we would appreciate life better.

My Thoughts

As i m growing older, having my own family — a wife Mag with two kids Jonathan(2yr 4mths) and Charlene(-2mths), i do realise i will go first, some day. Yes, i do prepare for ‘emergency’, in case if i go … my money will be enough for Mag to carry on with the two kids. I m not afraid of death, in fact i see it as a natural phenomena … something we all have to face when we are old(some will go earlier, in fact). The only worry i might have inside me is my kids without dad. I never have parental love when i was a child. I do not wish my kids to have such a feeling inside them. That gives me REAL purpose to carry-on and survive.

Seeing my mom getting older(yet still unhappy, she never ask WHY), i know she will leave too. I dont know why … i do not have any strong feeling towards her, perhaps my parents never bother about our(bro/sis) beings when we were young. Is this a ‘pay-back’ time or what? I hv lived to forgive their irresponsibilities … yet, i could never be close to my parents. I dont know if i will cry or shed a tear if they die. I dont know … i wish i m more humble, more compassionate towards my own maternal parents, but i dont wish to be a hypocrite — i m NOT.

My dad was wheel-chaired after he suffered his second stroke attack. I dont have any feeling regarding that incident, except i remember i feel pain seeing that Feleene and Boy have to bear the high cost of maintaining his life. I was cursing inside … what a useless garbage!! I was very bad, then. I was angry + pain … he never take any responsibilities towards his own children … but my sis and bro are still very compassionate. That is the value i m trying to cultivate inside me … to be humble, forgiving and compassionate.

On the other hand, i appreciate my aunties SK and SP very much. I treated them as ‘mothers’. In fact they are the one attended my KK’s wedding(not my mom). And to be honest, the first thing i do last sunday on Mother’s day was to SMS them, to wish them happy mother’s day. Just wish to let them know that i hv grown-up. I want them to be proud of me, tho in many of times i do go against their ‘old’ ways of doing things.

My sadness now is that i m not able to be by their side since they are retired now. I wish i could go back to KL, or work in the west so that i could be with them during the weekends. I feel guilty, at times. If i ever go back to KL(which i m planning now … i will), it is because my heart calling me so … i want to be there whenever they need me, after all they have been there for me for yearsssss since i was young!

Anyway, we need to appreciate our loved ones before it is too late … before they leave us, permanently. The malay word "meninggal dunia" literally means "leaving the earth". Before it is too late, i will wish to hug them and tell them … THANKS. HAPPY MOM’s DAY.

TEH

morning … brought Mag for her monthly check-up. Baby is ok, mom is ok too. That is good enough for me. Oh ya … we named our baby-girl Charlene, finally.(like the bowler Shalin la. Hehe). The chinese name … hmm … let Mag to decide.

INTI - my ex-college

I noticed that i hv been a grumpy person of late. Perhaps the stress of changes occuring. Today i will be back to INTI to teach later … 4-6pm. First class with the foundation students(i was told it is less than 10 students) … shouldnt be much of the problem, right? No … i dont know why there is ‘butterfly’ in my stomach Haha. Nervous? Hmm …. once it started, i guess i will be OK. Need to set their exams paper this weekend! Hmm …

A little excited too as i will be meeting many of my ex-colleagues where i m quite fond with. Unlike in Sinaran, i m more comfortable at INTI.

Alphaville - Forever Young <— i want to be Forever Young!!

Trading : Jaks 0.775, Ranhill 1.53, Liondiv 1.38 and Scomi 1.01

TEH

Morning … Happy B/day, Feelene … It is my wish that you could always be HAPPY. So, it doesnt matter if it is your b/day or other days, just do things that make you happy. Yup, as we hv grown ‘old’ to realise that happiness could be temporary(everything is, anyway), more reason for us to cherish every moment of our lives. WIsh I could be there to give you a hug. … stay healthy and beauty. YOu are always special in my heart, dearest …

I guess you dont like my katak voice to sing you a b/day song, dont you? LOL. Regards from Mag, Er n baby-gal. Do you want to name my baby-gal? Hehe

MASISWA

Spent my weekend at Yayasan Sabah courts … tired, burnt-out but satisfying. Our school managed no 5(of 13) and we won badminton. Our badminton girls are good(it is a mixed-team event like in Sudirman Cup). They beat PTPL 3-2 in the final. Another medal was from volleyball female team(no 4). Worth meaning here is that this gals, some are beginners played their heart out and the team spirit was very good. player-to-player, they are weaker BUT the team-work was good. Everyone play a part in the team. Good spirit. Except for the champ, Almacrest, they could give other teams a run of their money. I m glad to see such a fighting spirit in them To me, that is education.

Volleyball men lost all their games in their group(lack of team-work … it is obvious).

Futsal was played at Suria, a different venue. We lost closely in our first match, beat INTI but lost the third game(1-1 .. penalty kick). So, the boys did not enter the semi. For the girls netball team … we won the first game(vs ATI), lost to the eventual champ(a class above) KYS(kolej yayasan sabah) … lost narrowly 2-4 in the next game but won our last 4th game. Failed to enter semis due to the goal-difference.

We shall be more prepared next year, I told Leong — our cheif-de-mission. Oh yah, there is a friendly game of bowling for all the officers — i rushed to Sutera for the game, have nice lunch there … but no prizes given. Are they serious? 30 of them(the delegates) flew here to sabah for thts game? WOW! Plenty of MAKAN sessions … and staying in 5-star hotel. 30 of them?? Hmm …

http://chinesemusicblog.com/

starting to listen to chinese songs again … yeah. I love the sentimental chinese songs … it suits my emotions at this moment. Perhaps i m stressed with many paper-works(i dislike!!), may be nervous with new baby coming in July. May be my mom is coming to stay for 1 month? I cant really figure out the change of my moods. May be the tenants leaving and i will be getting new tenants? May be my tuition-classes will end next month as the exams is nearing and i will be getting new classes? May be i m going back to INTI to teach next week? May be … i need to settle the income-tax with the new e-filing(which a hell out of me!! Arrghhh)

stacks of papers to fnish marking … the SOW(scheme of works) … the testimonials … arrghh …

May be … may be i m sabotaging myself again. I m my worst enemy …

May be … may be there are too many "may be"s that confusing me … hmm …

Semester Break

I simply cant wait for the HOLIDAY … we will be off from 1st May(Labour Day) and for a week!! YEAH!! I think i m as excited as my students. I need the break! Many things waiting for me to address … my over-dued -driving-licence to be re-newed, to pay Melinsung and many more bills!! And to having my hair-cut … i m so-so dis-organised! Haha

白玫瑰 陳奕迅 <— i heard there is some scandals related to Eason. I dont really bother about gossips, but i do like his song! Cool.

SC meeting

I forgotten that this morning SC having their meeting at 7am … i slowly enjoyed my breakfast with Mag and Er, in fact. Hmm … i m losing track of events.

need to take a break. need kit-kat

http://www.real2000.org/web/real/real_5079.htm <— to listen to chinese songs!!

2pm

due to internal break-down of some wirings(LOL), i apologise to my audience that there will be no blog for a while. Will only listen to songs in order to keep me afloat. Thanks for the support.(like real! Haha)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~break~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TEH

morning … another un-usual weekend, particularly yesterday.

Yesterday, i do not hv tuition classes as usual. But, we woke up early to service the Kancil(ini tukar, itu tukar! Haha). I brought my note-book to key-in some data. Then, off to library … went to Penampang’s rather than the usual KK State library. Oh yes, two weeks ago, i registered Er as a member(for above 2yrs old only). He was 2 yrs and 2 months! And might be the youngest member there. I was joking with the lady — apa dapat being the youngest, when we congrats me for regirstering the latest and youngest member. Haha. She just smiled … and said, ambil-la semua buku-buku tu … haha

Anyway, I was there in the library to read Personal Money. Yup, i do always read magazine from library(free reading!!) and nowadays INVESTMENT related news attract me. Hehe.

We went off to Taiwan Restaurant … yum-yum .. i was really hungry or was it because i missed the food there. Hmm … then, idea came to me … perhaps i could suggest to have one of the workshops there!! Nice place, nice food … got white-board. LOL. Telematch on the beach too! Then, Mag asked … will that for the staff? Of coz not … those grown-up and so-called educated teachers DO NOT hv the brain to enjoy life! They will start to complain that it is TOO FAR, TOO HOT, TOO TIRING … blah blah … you know how irritating those DUCKS are. Haha.

Anyway .. we went back to melinsung and i done some cleaning … the last time we went there were 3 weeks ago.

Swimming time … yeah .. we went for the pool this time … ER want to swim ar? Yau … haha.

JPA scholarships

Many of the students applying for this JPA scholarship after they obtained their so-called good SPM results! Hmm … are the scholarship for those extremely good results students(10As and above) or for those fairly good results but POOR students?? Hey, JPA .. get your acts right. You are being UNFAIR, UNJUST and INCONSISTENT. Those stupids parents(and many ignorant students) do not know what is the criterion for applications etc etc … can u get the INFO CONSISTENTLY out to the public so that they are slightly educated about it? I know it is more convinient for JPA to keep it a secret(in order to get under-table or asking people to lick their ass?) … after all, since when MALAYSIA is transparent? Oopss … perhaps the OPPOSITIONS SHOULD be more transparent in many senses?

Look … there are many POOR students depreived of basic educational needs. And my RICH students, some driving cars(with 2 or 3 handphones! LOL) applying for JPA scholar-wtf? I m saddened being a Malaysian — they are so SELF CENTERED, they think they DESERVED or have every rights for the scholarship. To shit with those poor ($$ sense … many have better MORAL than the $$-rich students). Arrghh … dont wish to get myself work-up again. So sad living with stupid, $$-craze society. We are losing our values …

Earth Day - An Inconvenient Truth

CPS 9-pin tap tournament

Anyway … after my swim with ER, we rushed home as i got a tuition class. Cutting short the class as i wish to got o CPS to see if i hv a chance to play in the 9-pin tap competition. I m in ‘yellow’ category and being the first reserve, i might hv slim hope to play! Hehe. BTW, i went squadding —975 of 4 games — on Sat(with Trish Khoo .. she played badly and couldnt qualify). I was rushing … reached there 6.45 when they started to called for reserves. I hv not taken my dinner … i know i will face some problem later. As always they will give the priority to the "Green" category … but most of the 18 reserves did not turn up including KET and Maurice(used to coach them but then … they are NOT serious in bowling, i dropped my case). Daniel Tan was there … waiting but they never call his name as he is placed 12 places below me in the next reserve list. Yup … i was … errr … lucky to be able to play? LOL

Ok … i told myself that i m going to play my own game, by myself and not to be distracted by any beruks there. Some will try to ‘psycho’ you so that they could win! Some sore losers are there too … 48 to play 12games — RM150 each(each squad costed them rm28 and many squad many times to be able to play in last night final!! Few hundreds dollars and believe me, most of them will NOT win anything!! They dont even know WHY they lost! LOL — William Gan, another INTI-gang was there to play).

I was given the lane together with Jacky Ting(wow … he is back playing? I didnt play there for months … many new faces too), Chong Chung and Azreen(a Sukma trainee). Arrghhh … i dont care .. i m going alone tonight.

After 10games … i was averaging 235 and positioned 3(of 48!). Game 11 … my sliding leg failing me. Off balance a few times, i only manage a low game of 188. Then, last game 12 … i need to play above 250 to get back to no3 but Jacky Ting played 300, Rahim played 298 on the lane beside and Chong Chung played 297. What a pressure!! I only managed 227, ending with position 7, averaging 230!! Wow .. not bad for a person who didnt play in CPS for months now! Haha.

CPS cant even give us a decent envelope with type-written words! Sutera done it very well.

For category, i was no 2 … hehe … won rm500 from the game. Simple yet pleasuring(with pressure) game, indeed. Err … William got no 32(of 48). Dont worry .. many of those lost few hundreds(yet again) in many tournament will NOT ASK WHY they keep losing to similar players, even CPTEH who is playing a straight ball with 10 pounds! LOL. I always hv the last laugh.

Results

1. Jacky Ting(red) avg 249

2. Taslim Usman(blue) avg 230

3. Rahim Maidin(red) avg 240

4. Ahmad Bid(yellow) avg 235

5. Sallehuddin(red) avg 237

6. Chong Chung(blue) avg 227

7. CPTEH(yellow) 242, 222, 230, 230, 235, 204, 255, 225, 266, 243, 186 and 227 with average 230. hehe

Notable players below me - Paul Thien(19), Juandi Jali(21), Sulaiman23), Guslin(24), Rosdih(31), Ozzer(39) and the cocky Radzi(48) who walk-over after 2 low-games. Yup, he is one of the lowest mentality bowler there tho he is skillful. Never win anything due to his low characters!

Sweet Sensation - Sincerely Yours <—One of the 3 girls-group 20 years ago! WOW!! I liked this song so much! Haha

Dear I write you this letter
To show you how much your love means to me
I wish we could be together
I need you in my life oh can’t you see
You promised we would be together
But you still haven’t answered my letter
Oh, oh, I’m sincerely yours
The one my heart beats for, the one I adore
Oh, oh, I’m sincerely yours
The love that you gave I’ve never felt before
Dear as I write you this letter
The pain in my heart boy has run so deep
I fear we won’t be together
Without you my life feels so incomplete
You said our love will last forever
But you still haven’t answered my letters
Oh, oh, I’m sincerely yours
The love that you gave I’ve never felt before
Oh, oh, I’m sincerely yours
The one my heart beats for, the one I adore
My precious love I just can’t believe
The letters I send you don’t receive
You don’t know how hard I try
Throw my pride aside and I can’t deny
Cause every night I write without fail
And your — missed my mail
But if ever this letter should reach your door
You’ll find it signed sincerely yours
Now I know we’ll be together, together baby
Cause you just answered my letter

Sweet Sensation - Hooked On You (Original Version 1986). They are Hispanics.

Sweet Sensation - If Wishes Came True

http://www.lyricsdownload.com/sweet-sensation-if-wishes-came-true-lyrics.html

All alone silence fills my room
But in a memory
I hear you calling me
Close my eyes and I’m there with you
Like it was like yesterday
But then it fades away

FIRST CHORUS:
Take me back turn back the hands of time
When you kissed me in the warm September rain (warm September rain)
Back before my heart was filled with pain
If only we could be in love that way again

SECOND CHORUS:
If Wishes Came True
And of all the dreams of I never wondering I be holding you
If Wishes Came True
And I would that someone always special in your heart
We will still be lovers
not apart
If Wishes Came True

Now you’re gone and I am on my own
Feeling lost inside
Since you said goodbye
In my dreams I can still feel your touch
Lying next to me
Feeling ecstasy

REPEAT CHORUS 1:

REPEAT CHORUS 2:

I love you madly